Ocarina of Time

I attended Foxboro elementary school until 5th grade because my family of 6 couldn't fit in our 3-bedroom house anymore. 

you may not know this about me, but I used to share a room with my older sister, Jessica. 

She was born in 1993. I was born in 1996. She's an Aquarius, I'm an Aries... If you care about that sort of thing..

growing up, I had to tolerate a lot of physical abuse from her. I'm not sure why, but I'm still looking for the answer...

when I think about my childhood and my relationship with my sister... I think of all the times I would [physically] get into a fight and/or verbal fight and try to lock myself in my parent's room. I would try to call them begging for help and somehow the house phone ended up in her hand or the line was somehow disconnected. As I grew up, I stopped being so afraid of the physical aspect of it all. I realized that even if you do have the upper hand on me & could beat my ass.. I will celebrate the simple fact that I got some hits in on you and how I chose to never back down. A win is a win. I always admired how unhinged she was, actually quite jealous of the attention she got / what she could get away with... jumping out of moving vehicles mid conversation, running away, etc. I remember fake-pump cutting myself with a Swiss army knife. 

and my family did not care the same.  

I know what you're thinking...

what does this have to do with Zelda? 

Well, as the string quartet played Ocarina of Time, surrounded by dimly lit candles, I started to weep as I began to miss my childhood... But not for what it was, but who I was.

I'm twenty-seven now. 

Now that I'm older I understand a little bit more about life. I know what it looks like when someone doesn't love nor respect you. I know what it feels like to be nothing to someone. I know how it feels to be loved on conditions. I know what it feels like to be alone/abandoned. I know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I know what it feels like to be valued. I know what it feels like to be treated with love and respect. Now I'm stand-offish. I don't really trust a soul. I treat people how they treat me.

When I was a kid, things weren't so complicated nor complex. I didn't understand anything. I didn't have the discernment I do now. If I thought, you were pretty or funny, I wanted to be around you. If you were giving me attention and/or playing a game with me, I would want to be around you. I was in a rush to grow up. I was in child-like graphic tees running to wear spaghetti straps. I was saying goodbye to things I loved like, playing Dance-Dance Revolution in the garage, the soccer games I'd play in the backyard with my little sister. Playing Marco/Polo in the pool. Playing Wind Waker. The adolescent shows like Thats so Raven. I just miss trusting everything even if it is bad for you. I miss the curiosity, I miss the purity, I miss the fearlessness. I miss when my parents were superheroes to me. I miss looking up to cops rather than being afraid of them. I sometimes wish I could see the world for the first time again. Buuuut I've also had enough. 

jess if you're reading this...I still love you. It was all in the past, but I have to let it go too.