It was only 8AM in the morning and I was hurled over her body weeping, begging her not to let go.
I remember everything so vividly.
The call to the pet crematory
What car we rode in.
What she laid on (in the car when) transferring her stiff body.
How she felt.
How I felt.
She had black fur with a little white heart splat on her chest.
The kind of heart that was on the album cover 'In Love and Death' by the Used
She had heterochromia
She was in my life for ten years.
When she would walk ahead of me, she would stop and wait for me to catch up.
She was lazy, she didn’t like getting her paws muddy in the rain, she was protective
She was everything. She was family to us.
When I lost this dog, I never expected it to impact me so much.
Like I considered myself a pretty "normal" pet owner and didn't think that I'd be one of those people who call off work when a pet dies or cry or anything like that.
I actually buried myself into more work and more alcohol to drown out the pain.
I know its cliche...
the whole "when you left, you took a piece of me with you."
I genuinely couldn't find myself.
I was stuck in this endless cycle where I would drink to feel better / numb myself, then I would feel like shit because I passed my limit so I either threw up or blacked out.
When I was blacked out, I had sex with someone and had no recollection of the soiree.
I found out the next day when I woke up to use the bathroom... I had been bleeding, but I just ended my period a week ago.
Disappointed in myself...Yesterday's choices are catching up to me today at work…
I feel nauseous until 4-5PM. Can't eat anything due to the nausea. All I can think about (above the pounding headache/ light sensitivity) is when I'm going to get the next drink so I can feel normal again.
this cycle -- more like typhoon because it consumed me, lasted for a month
But when you're working two jobs (12-14 hours a day) and spend your days off drinking with friends to the point of shutting the bar down...
It starts to accumulate and take its toll
"Everything we think and say and do has consequences for ourselves and for others"
I crashed my car one night after working both jobs.
I don't remember much so I just felt immense guilt when calling AAA.
It was construction equipment, but I am old enough to know better.
I guess I realize that I didn’t care that I was here either
All dogs go to heaven.
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